


Siinä Kaikki

by islasands



Series: Lambski [47]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M, The Known Past, The Risk of Loving, The Unknown Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 16:21:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/370996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islasands/pseuds/islasands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is on his way home. Alone with his thoughts on the flight homeward he allows his exhaustion to surface. </p><p>“Siinä kaikki” is from the chorus of the song "Minä Rakastan Sinua", sung here by Samuli Putro. You might like to listen as you read. </p><p>Minä rakastan sinua, koko sydämestäni<br/>Minä rakastan sinua, siinä kaikki<br/>siinä kaikki </p><p>I love you with all my heart<br/>I love you, that's all<br/>that's all</p>
            </blockquote>





	Siinä Kaikki

"MINÄ RAKASTAN SINUA "

  


SAMULI PUTRO

  


At the airport he had bumped into someone he hadn’t seen for years. Not a friend, exactly, - more a friend of a friend. They had coffee while they waited for their flights. The conversation, thankfully, was easy to follow and digest.

“And how’s the love life,” the man asked after they had caught up on career news.

“How’s yours?” Adam replied.

“Crap,” the man answered. “Do you remember Andy? He went out with Simon - Simon Lafferty -  for a few years? You don’t remember? Well, they split up and we got together not long after.”

“And it’s crap?”

“It’s sad, that’s what it is. In fact, that's what this flight is all about. I won’t be coming back. But hey, that’s not a story worth telling. It’s a throw away. Like this magazine.” He waved the magazine in the air and let it drop on his knee. “How about you?”

Adam liked talking to someone who had no idea about his personal life. It made a nice change.

“Well, as it happens, I’m in love,” he said. “We’ve been living together for a year now. I’ve never been happier. Not just on account of him, but he’s a major reason for it.”

“Lucky you. I envy you. What’s the secret ingredient? What’s different with this guy? God, I wish I could get it right for once.”

Adam shrugged. “He suits me,” he said. Self-absorbed, he stared at whatever was in front of his face. It wasn’t until later, when he took his seat on the plane, that he wondered at his thoughtlessness. All he could think about was going home. Yet he understood the man’s suffering. He knew the landscape of a lost love only too well. The sameness of its terrain. The shut down of your senses because there was nothing to savour. Nothing but the stench of vase water, rising up in the darkness when you lie in bed alone, wishing the flower of love had not died.

During the flight he thought about his current love. If he was asked why Sauli suited him he could easily rattle off a list of compatibility factors that would be predictable and true. But really, when he thought about, he had no idea why he was in love. Sauli was not a man you could throw platitudes at. He did not exist simply to please him. “And I aim to keep it that way,” he thought. “All I know is he suits me the way a cloud suits rain. He smiled wryly at his ready access to such a cliche. “More accurately, he suits me the way a discarded cigarette packet suits floating down a streaming gutter, or tender lips suit the injury of rough kissing, or ruins rather than completions suit the life tourist’s eye.”

He looked down at the cloud mass, lying just beneath the plane. It was uniformly ruffled, row after row, like a furrowed field of white earth. Now and then a gap appeared and through it he could see blue. He imagined what it would be like if the cloud was solid and you could crawl to the edge of one of those gaps and look down. Then he wondered what it would sound like inside a cloud. Would there be a sound? Maybe a faint, muffled hissing like the sound of foam slowly coming undone. Then he tried to think of as many songs as he could that had clouds in the title. He couldn’t think of many so he changed the criteria to songs that featured clouds in the lyrics. For a while he sang the chorus of a song that his parents used to play, “ _I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now, from up and down, and still somehow, it’s cloud illusions I recall, I really don’t know clouds, at all..._ ” but the rest of the words eluded his memory. He stopped thinking and stared at the fields of cloud, the rifts of blue, and the sun on the white wing of the plane.

_Sauli ran up the stairs and into the house and into the hallway, heading for their bedroom, but Adam caught up with him and grabbed the back of his jacket. He jerked him around, pushed him against the wall, and leaned over him as though he was going to kiss him. At the last moment, just as their lips were about to touch, he changed his mind. He took a step back and leaned on the wall. He took in a breath, briefly closing his eyes, as though gathering his wits. He looked into Sauli’s eyes and took another breath. A feeling, as of great sadness, came over him, but it wasn’t sadness. He didn’t know what it was. He let it run through him like a veil of rain. His gaze softened momentarily. His nostrils flared. He winced slightly._

_“Undo your jacket,” he said. Sauli looked down. He unbuttoned the jacket and looked back up._

_“And your t-shirt. Roll it up.”_

_Sauli complied, using both hands to slowly raise the hem until Adam said, “That’s far enough.” He stared at Sauli’s torso, at the line dissecting his thoracic cavity, the shadows beneath his ribcage, the ones delineating the curves of his breasts. In there, somewhere in there his heart was beating. And in there, barely protected by his skin, his lungs were filling with air, distributing oxygen to every part of his body. And if these miracles of his life’s engineering should ever fail, or if the air that gives passage to his words, blue to his irises, sticks to beat the drum in his chest, should one day not be the air that I breathe..._

_Adam smiled at Sauli but the smile only just reached his eyes. “Now pull it back down. And undo your pants. If you don’t mind.”_

_“I do not mind,” Sauli said. He unbuckled his belt and unzipped the fly of his jeans but when he looked up he saw that Adam had turned away and was leaning sideways on the wall with an arm up as though to shield his face. The sight of Sauli's bent head as his hands worked at unbuckling his belt and unzipping his fly, so touched him that he began to collapse. Sauli moved quickly to him, gently drew his arm away from his face, and then staggered as Adam turned and fell bodily against him. Sauli put his hands beneath his armpits, trying to keep him erect, but it was too late. Adam slid down, trailing his arms down Sauli’s body, and lay in a heap on the floor._

_Sauli slid down next to him. He lay down next to his lover and firmly gripped his upper arm. He put his lips against Adam’s lips. He ignored the lack of response and kissed regardless. He softly swept his lips to and fro over Adam’s mouth. He ran them up to the tip of Adam’s nose. He raised himself up slightly, on one arm, so that his kissing could take in every part of Adam’s face. And between kisses he said things. He said things in his native tongue. His compassion was so great he couldn’t think in English. So he told him, in Finnish, how his love for him was as many as the lakes in his homeland. “And we have many lakes, my love,” he said, “thousands of lakes, great and small, and they are full of fish. And the water of those lakes is so clean you can use it to make coffee. You can catch a fish and eat it, and then have the coffee. My heart is one such lake. You can sail your boat on my heart, my love. The work is finished for now. You are home.”_

_Adam suddenly put his arms around him. He suddenly returned Sauli’s kisses. His hand sought Sauli’s open fly and slid down his underpants. “Take me to bed,” he said. The yielding of Sauli’s lips, the crumpled softness of his genitals, the strength of his language and the commandeering of his practical, work-worthy hands, - all these gave him sufficient pause to embrace his fate; “I love him. That is all.” He sighed at the plain truth of it. A truth that was as ordinary and beautiful and perishable as a cloud._

_“That is all.”_

_And their bed, when he lay upon it, felt as comfortable as a bed of cumulus. And Sauli’s kisses, when he lay protectively on top of him, were like the hushing of rain._

**Author's Note:**

> Here is a translation of the song that I found on the net.
> 
> Minä Rakastan Sinua
> 
> Jos liedelle käy käteni, sen heti vedän pois  
> If my hand hits the stove, I pull it off immediately  
> Jos kadulla on lompakko, sen varastaakkin vois  
> If there was a wallet on a street, I could steal it too  
> Ei teoistamme suuretkaan, tod. näk. historiaan jää  
> Not even the biggest ones of our acts apparently go down in history  
> Jos perinvarmaa pelaisin äh, lienee paras täräyttää  
> If I played obvious, ush, it's probably just better to knock out
> 
> Minä rakastan sinua, koko sydämestäni  
> I love you with all my heart  
> Minä rakastan sinua, siinä kaikki  
> I love you that's all  
> siinä kaikki.  
> That's all
> 
> Jos muistan ostaa sytkärin, ei tarvii tulta pummata  
> If I remember to buy a lighter, I won't have to scrounge fire  
> Jos aurinko käy takaapäin, se piirtää varjoja  
> If the sun is shining from behind, it draws shadows  
> Ehkä teoistamme pienimmät, juuri ikuisiksi jää  
> Maybe just the smallest ones of our acts will remain forever  
> Jos suuni pidän supussa, vitut, täytyy yrittää  
> If I kept my mouth shut, oh what the heck, I must try
> 
> Minä rakastan sinua, koko sydämestäni  
> Minä rakastan sinua, siinä kaikki  
> siinä kaikki. 
> 
> Raatteentie ja riippakoivut, vuosi raittiina  
> Raate road* and weeping birches, one year without drinking  
> partituurin virhe nuotti, kaksi vanhusta  
> False notes on the score, two old persons  
> suuret aatteet, lappuliisa, aamu Oulussa  
> big isms, meter maid, morning at Oulu  
> ykseyskristus, perkele ja tässä taitteessa  
> Unity in Christ, devil and at this point
> 
> Minä rakastan sinua, koko sydämestäni  
> Minä rakastan sinua, siinä kaikki  
> Minä rakastan sinua, koko sydämestäni  
> Minä rakastan sinua, siinä kaikki,  
> siinä kaikki.
> 
> *If you don't know what's Raatteentie (Raate road) means check wikipedia "Battle of Raate Road"
> 
> Reference: Kaede: http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/nordic-countries-lyrics-translation/121146-samuli-putro-min-rakastan-sinua-fin-eng.html


End file.
